No life?

April 20, 2019

I have been “living” in my body for more than two decades now. I am listening to my whole life about “life” but never really made an attempt to live in the experience that lasts forever. I have added many tangible and intangible possessions and surely will have more, these timely priced possessions thought me to have just the comfortable life – just live but never gave an inkling of life with rich experience.

Self-help, philosophy, hard facts, inspiring talks, movies have their fair share in my mere living of life. Of course, I am a dedicated individual and serious about my career but not life. I have listened and followed ideals to add richness to my living, they have given me direction when I had none but I have lost navigating in the process. I understand one cannot turn back the clock to make a different choice yet I cling to my past regretting of not living to my fullest. All the philosophy and self-help books question us to question our existence and purpose, I am not equipped with the right questions (or any questions). Our elders teach us to plan for the future, I have none. I am still an individual who plans for financial independence and other dependencies. This article is no harbinger of hope in my life, I wish I had powers. All my life I wished for a richer experience, to live in the moment but I was always held back by me.

Books give you an abundance of knowledge and train your thoughts, reading is part of daily life. I always believed books will make one a better person but it never crossed my mind that books add value to your mind not the richness of its experience. I have been reading for years now yet I do not recall any experience with reading or maybe my brain is not wired to register reading as an experience of life. I am the frog in the well justifying the importance of the well.

For greater experience, one has to move away from fears and push yourself outside your comfort zone. It is easier said than done. I am not nostalgic about anything because I never made an attempt to make my life worth recollecting. I am no different than machines. Lack of these experiences has made me an empty shell. When I look back, I never struggled and never attempted at the chances of struggles in my life. This is not to convey experiences come through struggle, it is just that I never lived to my fullest to experience the struggles and fulfillment of overcoming them.

There is no agenda to the way of experiencing life to its fullest. One has to find their own ways, I am finally making an attempt to break my own barriers with one step at a time. At present, I have no life besides my work. Please build up new skills not for your career/work but for yourself.

This post is just the reflection of my life till now.